Unspoken words: Healing through family therapy in Ukraine
Ksenia, a psychologist with the mobile mental health clinic in Kharkiv, began working with *Yuryi, an eleven-year-old boy, at the request of his mother, Lylyia. Concerned, the mother of four boys shared how Yuryi wished their family would permanently live in an underground shelter, safe from any risks. Whenever a loud sound could be heard near their home, especially at night, he would run and tightly grip his mother’s waist. He would hug her so firmly it would be hard for her to breathe, and he would refuse to let go
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A home visit was needed to support Yuryi. At first, Yuryi and the psychologist talked and toured his house and the surrounding area. They identified all the safe locations he could go to in case of an air raid alert. They talked about risks and safety, and it turns out the young boy’s greatest fears were related to nighttime raids. Yuryi feared losing his mother and brothers, whose beds were closer to the windows. The psychologist coached him through emotional and behavioural self-regulation exercises, teaching him to understand his fears and analyze how he mentally and physically responds to them.
During a session with Yuryi’s mother, Lylyia, it became clear that she also needed to share how her son’s fears and the conflict impacted her mental health. She explained how whenever her son feels scared and hugs her tightly, her first instinct is to pull away and withdraw from him. Her son’s fears and grip triggered something in her that she didn’t understand, and that led to unbearable feelings of guilt at pushing her son away when he needed comfort and care. She felt like she was letting her son down and not being the supportive mother she should be. Together, we explored her feelings and how they translated into physical reactions, assessing her fears and triggers. We also discussed the importance of signals that adults send to children, even without words.
A joint session was held with Lylyia and her son, and they were encouraged to talk openly about their feelings. Yuryi shared how he felt powerless in front of his mother’s distress, even with the big hugs he wished to give her. The result of this family session was extremely positive, and both mother and son felt relieved after openly sharing their feelings and emotional needs. They agreed to work together to get through this crisis.
Yuryi's fear has subsided because he now knows what to do with this feeling and understands why fear is important. He has a new sense of control over his emotions and is better equipped to face the future.
Read more: Ukraine program update: Mobile mental health clinic in Kharkiv
With your ongoing support, SOS Children’s Villages Ukraine has provided services to more than 385,000 people during more than two years of war.
We thank the Canada-Ukraine Foundation, the Ukrainian Canadian Congress, and the Ptarmigan Charitable Foundation for their generous support.
*Names changed to protect privacy.